Is Homeschooling just an educational choice??

Recently, I was at a Homeschooling information night.  It was an evening full of information for those parents interested in Homeschooling.  I have not been to anything like in quite a while.  Probably since our Link Homeschooling conference 2 years ago.  I have to say I was quite surprised about what the parents were looking for.  They were all so well meaning and caring but they were mostly interested in academics.  That is it!  There was a panel of 6 or so parents and I spoke first.  I talked about how homeschooling for our family was not a verb.  I talked about how we loved the lifestyle it gave to us.  I said my son is now 22 and one father shouted out–”did you homeschool him through college?”   Most of the parents there had little ones and they were mainly interested in how they could get the kids back into school if they did not like homeschooling.  The reason I was shocked from the evening is simply this.  Fifteen  to twenty  years ago the movement of “homeschooling” was more than merely an educational choice.  It was a lifestyle that families got into because they wanted to have as much time with their kids as possible.  To soak up every moment and responsibility.  I know that is the reason that many homeschool today however I am just a little concerned that the climate now is so different.  Is “homeschooling”  just another educational choice?  Do parents now say…….Waldorf, private school, Montessori or public school or Homeschool?    I hope that is not what is happening………………any thoughts???   Mary Leppert

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The Seven Human Intelligences

by Mary Leppert and Michael Leppert

(Excerpted from The Homeschooling Almanac, 2000-2001. Copyright 2010, all rights reserved.)

Howard Gardner, a psychologist at Harvard University, studied and developed his analytical outlook based on organizing human intelligence not as one element, but by the following seven categories of intelligence. Gardner submits that everyone is a mixture of all seven, in varying degrees. By looking through this “lens” of Gardner’s, we can see one or two predominant intelligences standing out in each person we know, including ourselves. The other intelligences are apparent in decreasing dominance and strength the further we analyze. Let us list the seven and discuss each a bit.

Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

People with this form of intelligence just can’t sit still. They wiggle constantly, make noises with their mouths, fingers, feet, hands, by either constantly tapping or by squeaking and squawking. They can’t wait to be outside playing, running, climbing trees—you name it. As adults, they fidget, probably doodle while on the phone. If a bodily-kinesthetic person has athletic skill as well, she or he will probably be very good at sports, dancing, and other such activities.

This type of person often has intuitive feelings about academic material. Such a one may know an answer to a problem, but not how to arrive at it. They “feel” it. They learn through their bodies, so to speak, doing best in atmospheres of action, touching, physical contact, working with their hands. One boy with a great deal of this type of intelligence memorized the capitals of the 50 states over a period of about five days while roller-blading on the family’s patio and repeating them after his father. To do this work sitting down would have been more than he could endure, plus it might have required ten days of struggle rather than five days of fun.

A child with this type of intelligence will not get along well in a typical school setting. Most schools teach children in a way that is more conducive to the logical-mathematical intelligence.

Interpersonal Intelligence

People with this form of intelligence have a strong personality and are sensitive to others and what is going on around them in general. They make great social types. Successful society hosts and hostesses who throw parties in large commercial cities would have strong interpersonal intelligence, knowing exactly who to invite to these important networking events as well as who to seat together and who to separate.

Great salespeople have this type of intelligence as well. They can ferret out a person’s need and successfully connect it with their product. Of course, they can also manipulate people in their negative manifestations. These people also tend to have “street smarts,” which help one navigate in the world. Interpersonally intelligent people can also be excellent politicians, both in getting elected and in putting empathy for others into practical use on a large scale. Children with this type of intelligence may enjoy playing group games and activities, and they tend to be very outgoing, often serving as the peacemakers in disputes. As adults, they can also use their interpersonal skills as counselors and mediators.

Intrapersonal Intelligence

Those whose intrapersonal intelligence is their primary intelligence have strong personalities also, but they manifest it in a more personal way than do those with the interpersonal variety. The intrapersonal type can happily work alone. They possess a deep awareness of themselves and have a highly developed inner world, which they do not characteristically enjoy exposing or sharing with others. If a person of this type is also skilled in music or another art, she or he can become very accomplished in the art form, although performing may not be appealing due to shyness.

Children with this predominant form of intelligence can be bookish and quietly knowledgeable, but they do not necessarily fare well in school. They are often autodidacts—people who teach themselves—and may become self-educated once they get beyond the high school or college academic imposition of grades and such. They possess an inner discipline and will to learn real things, not achieve synthetic grades. They also manifest themselves as independent and express strong opinions and feelings in heated discussions.

Linguistic Intelligence

Those with linguistic intelligence predominating are likely to be born poets and writers, loving to play with words just for the fun of it. Lewis Carroll probably possessed this form of intelligence, as do many famous song lyricists and poets. If they are less predisposed to writing, they may make excellent verbal storytellers and good yarn-spinners. Possibly Homer, who made up and recited epic poems, was of the linguistic group.

People with linguistic intelligence tend to love to read books and other forms of print and are naturally good spellers, possessing a strong memory for words in all of their forms, both as children and adults. They also may enjoy playing Scrabble and doing crossword puzzles or anagrams and other types of word puzzles and games. They are probably skilled at learning more than one language as well, noting the universal similarities among all the spoken/written forms of communication. Such people learn best by seeing, speaking, or hearing words, so reading print, listening to lectures, and taking notes are comfortable, successful ways for them to take in information. Telling others about this information often helps them to reinforce the learning process.

Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

People who possess logical-mathematical intelligence think logically and easily see patterns. For instance, great chess players are successful because they reportedly “see” the patterns of moves—both theirs and their opponent’s. Logical-math people are also very good at transferring abstract concepts to reality and are often able to communicate these concepts to others. They may also enjoy solving life’s puzzles through the sciences and can be very good inventors, having the skill to visualize—and conceptually alter—an invention before they even make a prototype. A person such as this may enjoy Mensa puzzles and games or a card game such as Set, in which players must compete against each other to find the most combinations of similarities or differences in designs and shapes drawn on a deck of special cards. This requires lightning-fast visual analysis and the ability to process information in a certain way. These people normally do well in school, which was designed for their type of intelligence. The old-fashioned IQ tests measured this form of intelligence more than any other.

Musical Intelligence

People with musical intelligence often hum or sing to themselves. They have a great aptitude for music in general, being able to remember melodies after only three or four hearings, and they possess excellent pitch and usually a good sense of rhythm in varying degrees. Often, when a piece of music is playing, they cannot help but move some part of their bodies in time with it. These children and adults have a keen awareness of sounds other than music as well, such as the wind blowing, insects buzzing and chirping, and traffic noise. They can often learn by hearing information set to music or by writing their own music to it.

Not surprisingly, many of them are very talented musicians and often exhibit this ability early in life. Some who are not particularly gifted with playing or composing ability make sure critics, keenly interested in music and understanding it. Those having this type of intelligence often concentrate better with music playing in the background. To teach one with musical intelligence, you might use tapes that contain the information set to music, for instance. Or use music as a mood-enhancing tool to decrease stress and increase relaxation and concentration. A particular piano concerto by Mozart has actually been shown to exert a scientifically measurable change in the brains of listeners—a very interesting phenomenon! It increases concentration in some and just gives others a sense of clarity. Hopefully, in-depth study in this area of brain research will continue, and a musical catalog of “brain” tunes can be developed!

Spatial Intelligence

Having this form of intelligence imparts the ability to think and see in pictures and images. This would be a form of intelligence of a painter or sculptor who can “see” in his or her mind’s eye and bring forth in detail what others might miss. Those with this form of intelligence love to make charts and maps, so get your student involved by having him or her make simple maps of your house, your neighborhood, and your city. Let him work in geography as much as he likes.

Analyzing the learning styles and personalities is really no more than carefully examining the dynamics and fibers of every individual. Imagine putting 30 different people in one room and then wondering why they don’t do things the same way, see things the same way, agree on everything, and desire the same things. Yet this is exactly what is expected in mass-schooling today. ML2

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Gifts of the Spirit, Gifts from the Heart

by Dr. Richard Prystowski

“Dear Hoang,

Today I have a special gift for you…. My gift for you is this exercise: Look very deeply at your mother…. Look deeply into her beautiful eyes, and really hug her before you go to sleep tonight. Be aware of her precious presence in your arms. As you hold her, breathe in and out and say, silently, ‘Breathing in, I am aware how wonderful it is to hold my mother in my arms.  Breathing out, I know that she is a treasure for all of us.’ Don’t wait until your dear mother has passed away before you decide to really appreciate her.”

Sister Chân Không, from Learning True Love [qtd. from a letter that she wrote and that she cites in her book]

“Mindfulness is the foundation of a happy life.”

Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step

I would like to begin by talking about a wonderful story entitled “The Gift in the Garden,” one of the tales from The Twenty-Two Gates to the Garden, Rabbi Steven M. Rosman’s excellent book of stories inspired by Jewish kabbalistic teachings.[1] In this story, the Princess frantically searches for a gift that her mother, the Queen, said awaits the Princess in the garden. During her search, the Princess “climbed trees and looked in their branches. She rambled through bushes and crawled through flower beds. She even turned over rocks and peeked beneath them” (16).

The narration continues: “With skinned knees, scraped elbows, dirty hands, and a sweaty brow, she returned to where her mother had stood all the while” (ibid.). Though the daughter felt certain that she had not discovered any gift at all, the mother told her that, in fact, the Princess had “‘found the gift [that the Queen had] meant for [the daughter] to find’” (17). To clear up her daughter’s lingering confusion, the Queen offers the following insightful explanation:

“Today you looked at your world very closely. You touched the world, and it seems as though the world touched you.” Indeed [adds the narrator], her daughter had grass stains on her skirt and smudges of dirt on her socks. She had twigs in her hair, and petals from assorted flowers of every color had fallen into the pockets of her blouse. Truly, everywhere she had searched, the world had left its mark on her.

“Today you explored the world carefully,” the Queen continued. “You approached every blade of grass and each petal as if you were discovering them for the very first time. I can think of no finer gift to give my beloved child than the opportunity to look at the world closely and see it as new….”

As they [sat and] watched the setting sun paint the heavens with streaks of red and orange, violet and pink, the Queen reverently whispered, “The beginning of wisdom is wonder, and the spark of wonder is kindled in the person who sees the world as new.” (17-18)

In this touching story from Rabbi Rosman’s book, the Queen teaches her daughter a number of valuable lessons, among which are the importance of one’s being fully and deeply in touch with the present moment; the value of one’s being in close touch with the earth; and the significance of one’s seeing the world with what Zen Buddhists would call “beginner’s mind.” Perhaps not surprisingly, these lessons intertwine.  As the Queen herself writes, “I can think of no finer gift to give my beloved child than the opportunity to look at the world closely [read "to be fully in touch with the present moment"] and see it as new” [that is, see it with a beginner’s eyes] (18).

Why is this opportunity afforded the Princess the finest gift that her mother can give her? Because, I think, it allows the young girl to discover and learn experientially—literally, in this instance, with hands-on practice—the crucial insight that, if we can look deeply into the nature of something or someone from the perspective of a beginner’s mind (in this case, from the fresh point of view of a child), we will be able to perceive and understand this thing or person “as new,” which is to say that we might reach an understanding that we had never reached before. In this state of mind, we can make some of our most meaningful discoveries and learn what might be some of the most important lessons of our lives. For, in this state of mind, we are like the reader who comes upon a deeply moving poem for the first time. We are like the young child who, playing in our yard for the first time, bends down to examine closely those flowers in the garden that we adults might have taken for granted, and perhaps even unknowingly stepped on. Indeed, in this state of mind, we are open to new ideas, to new ways of seeing, to new ways of being. No wonder that Jesus said to his disciples, “‘…unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’” (Matt. 18:3) and “‘[l]et the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven’” (Matt. 19:14).

Taking our cue from “The Gift in the Garden,” we realize that, ultimately, the Princess learns that the most meaningful gifts are those which are internal rather than external; they are gifts of the spirit, of the soul, from the heart, and not material presents. And she teaches us parents that, if we are too attached to our present views—for example, about child rearing, or about educational methods and learning outcomes—then we might miss opportunities to engage in deeply meaningful learning and thereby fail to discover the gifts that are always present to us, always within our reach. Right in front of us and our children is one of our greatest gifts, one of our greatest teachers: life itself. Indeed, what Daniel Greenberg says about the students at the Sudbury Valley School, where no student is ever forced to learn anything from anyone at any time, is true of all of us (unless some of us have bona fide learning disabilities): “The kids are all learning, all the time” (Free At Last 92).

I find this quotation particularly apt in the present context, for many adults have the sensation of being a child again when they are joyfully learning something or experiencing their oneness with the world. In such circumstances, the child in the adult emerges when the adult, fully engaged in a meaningful life experience (looking intently at the beauty of the stars, for instance), gleefully claps his hands, squeals in delight at her wonderful discovery, or otherwise allows the child within to express himself or herself as (s)he experiences or re-experiences the depth and fullness of life. “My heart leaps up when I behold/A rainbow in the sky[,]” writes poet William Wordsworth in his poem “My Heart Leaps Up.” He continues:

So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

Given the many chances that we have every day to use our child’s mind to help us discover the world as new, let us enjoy discovering our own gifts in the garden, understanding that life itself is our most meaningful curriculum, and that all of us, adults and children alike, can find that heartfelt joy that comes from our learning and experiencing life’s many, vast, and often wonderful teachings.

As we experience life with our children, we homeschooling parents have a unique opportunity to help our children and ourselves continually explore our gardens, finding anew the rich joys that come from our being fully in touch with our worlds and with each other. In this regard, I would suggest that the most significant teaching that we can engage in with our children is that which involves our own practices, our own learning, ultimately, our own modeling. Our ideas about living well are secondary; of primary importance is our practice. The troublesome line “Do as I say and not as I do” is a testament to the inadequacy of one’s privileging ideas over practice, as any child knows who has heard his or her parent offer up this statement signaling the abrogation of parental moral responsibility.

Having the opportunity to spend much time with our children thus affords us as homeschooling parents the opportunity to teach our children those valuable lessons which will help them to be or become kind, compassionate, caring, loving individuals. But the success of these lessons depends upon our own practice. By our manner of speech and action, we teach our children the importance or unimportance of one’s behaving in ways that are consistent with one’s moral values. Depending upon our diet and our other modes of consumption, for example, we teach our children either that one should value all life, including the life of the planet, or that one need not be overly concerned about such a matter. If we say that one should treat others with dignity and then we treat our own children with dignity even when they misbehave, we engage in a very powerful form of practice teaching, insofar as we teach our children by our practice that everyone, including those who act inappropriately, deserves to be treated with dignity. On the other hand, if we say that one should treat others with dignity but then we treat our children disrespectfully, we model and validate for our children hypocrisy, inconsistency, and modes of disrespectful behavior.

Although children’s thinking and behavior results from a number of factors, and not just from parental modeling, we would do well not to underestimate the influence of such modeling on children’s thoughts and actions. Some of the research into perpetrator and rescuer behavior during the Holocaust sheds light on the nature of the influence in question here, teaching us some rather stark lessons that we ought to heed.  For example, we know that, although many high-ranking Nazis were well educated and even well cultured, they lacked the deep sense of caring about the victims that so many of the rescuers possessed. Moreover, many of the perpetrators in Nazi-dominated Europe seem to have acted out the lessons of violence that they had learned at the hands of their parents (among others), and many persons who rescued victims during the Holocaust seem to have enacted the lessons of caring and altruism that their parents had taught and modeled.[2]

The ability to live a life of compassion and kindness—surely a goal that all of us want our children to reach—derives from a cultivated practice of living such a life (indeed, as is always the case, the path and the goal are one and the same). Since we can spend so much time with our children, we homeschooling parents are uniquely positioned to model such a practice for our children. In this regard, our presence, truly, can be a great gift to our children. For, seeing our actions, they can perhaps sense how they might cultivate their own ability to look deeply into the nature of both other people and the many facets of their world, thereby strengthening their sense of inter-related oneness with others and with the world around them (the Queen alludes to this point when she tells her daughter, “‘You touched the world, and it seems as though the world touched you’” [17]).

As Thich Nhat Hanh has taught us, “[t]o look deeply is to understand” (Peace Is Every Step 83). And from such understanding springs our ability to love, to be kind, to be compassionate, to care.  Indeed, the “essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves ‘inside the skin’ of the other” (ibid. 81).[3]

Ultimately, then, by giving our children the gift of our true presence, we help them to discover their own true natures, as well as the true natures of others. Living in such a mindful way, our families can learn and practice the art of lovingkindness towards ourselves and others. We can learn to practice the gift of loving ourselves and others unconditionally, without an agenda, with purity of heart. In this way, we can respond to life fully in the present moment, seeing the gift of our children’s presence and giving to them the gift of our being.

So commonly, we say that our children are our future. Although this saying has some truth to it, it also bespeaks a common problem that we often have with respect to our children: not infrequently, we ignore the fact that they are alive now, that they are fully present in the here and now. As the years go by, we lament the passing of time, wondering, almost in astonishment, where our children’s youth has gone.  Our confusion makes sense: since we failed to look deeply into the presence of our children when they were children, we didn’t see them very clearly; small wonder, then, that, years later, we have only vague recollections of them as children. Too late we realize that, rather than asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up, we should have asked them how they were doing and what they were being right now.

In another sense, though, our children are our future, insofar as the future is comprised of the present. Thus, as Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, if we are concerned about the future, then we must take good care of the present moment. So, if we are concerned about our children’s future, then we should be fully attentive to taking good care of our children when they are children. We can do this if we concentrate not so much on our ideas, but rather on our practice—in particular, on our practice of being fully present with and for our children and ourselves. Interacting with our children, we must try to remain aware of the important difference between our meeting their and our needs in a mutually supportive, growing relationship, and our knowingly or unknowingly using our children to help us meet our own unfulfilled needs, deal with our own emptiness, cure our own narcissistic wounds, relieve our own inner, existential angst, and so on.[4]

To be sure, life is neither simple nor easy, and none of us is going to be a perfect parent. That’s not the point—at least, that’s not the point of this talk. Rather, I have simply been trying to show us that we can experience great joy with our children and help them to live fully meaningful lives if we give them the gift of our full presence and recognize their full presence when we are with them. (Of course, we cannot be with our children all of the time; in fact, it would be rather unhealthy for us and them were we to do so. We all need to spend time alone and to spend time with persons other than members of our family.) We need to understand that we are not necessarily any more fully with our children than school parents are with their children merely because we homeschool our children and they send their children to school.

As Thich Nhat Hanh has taught us, if our minds are somewhere else when we’re with our children, then we’re not really there with them, even if we and they are physically together. In short, even if we buy our children the best curriculum, join the best homeschooling organization, search for and download for them the best student-friendly internet software, and read the paper while they play computer games only ten feet away from us, we are shortchanging both our children and ourselves if we never or only rarely give them the gift of our true presence, of our true, fully engaged being. Indeed, if we are rarely or never there for our children when they present themselves to us, then what meaningful gifts have we ever really given them?

To allude to Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings once again, I would ask us to consider that the greatest gift that we can give to someone we love is to be there fully with him, to be fully present with her when we’re with her. In fact, we might suggest that we cannot love another person fully when we’re with him unless we’re fully present with him.  Concerning our children, we might say that we cannot give them a greater gift than that which we give simply by being fully present with them when we’re with them. Material gifts, like the gifts that the Princess struggled but failed to find in the garden, are secondary in importance compared to this intangible gift of our spirit. Superficially, our gifts of deep love and full presence might seem secondary, and even illusory; but, as the Princess learned, at the deepest levels, such gifts are in fact quite primary and quite real.

And they are rather inexpensive. In fact, they’re free—and priceless. They manifest themselves as our acts of kindness towards our children. They are our smile, our exchanges of the heart, our presence of being. They let our children know, and they remind us, of our all being fully alive, not in photographs of past moments or in dreams or visions of the future, but in the only moments in which one can be fully alive—that is, in the present moments of our daily lives. To help yourself give your children such gifts, you might want or need to do some inner child work, since, to a large degree, the ways in which you deal with your inner child will influence the ways in which you deal with your children.  But you need not seek the help of a therapist in order to begin practicing such mutually beneficial gift-giving right away, in the here and now. At the very least, you can engage in simple, everyday acts of soulful gift-giving, such as deeply conscious smiling and hugging. The benefits of such giving, for you and your children, are immediate and powerful, as Thich Nhat Hanh explains in his description of the practice and effects of fully conscious hugging, or what he calls hugging meditation:

Suppose your daughter comes and presents herself to you. If you are not really there—if you are thinking of the past, worrying about the future, or possessed by anger or fear—the child, although standing in front of you, will not exist for you. She is like a ghost, and you may be like a ghost also. If you want to be with her, you have to return to the present moment. Breathing consciously, uniting body and mind, you make yourself into a real person again. When you become a real person, your daughter becomes real also. She is a wondrous presence, and a real encounter with life is possible at that moment. If you hold her in your arms and breathe, you will awaken to the preciousness of your loved one, and life. (Peace Is Every Step 86)

When we unite so powerfully and yet so simply with our children, we help them to learn how one might live a meaningful life, in which one engages in simple, everyday acts that help to cultivate the seeds of lovingkindness in oneself and in others. “If love is real,” writes Thich Nhat Hanh, “it will be evident in our daily life, in the way we relate with people and the world” (ibid. 84).  Being fully present with our children, we help our mutual love for each other to be real. And, as did the Queen with respect to the Princess, when we live with our children in this way, we give them a truly precious gift, for we help them to discover the beauty of their world, the deep and wonderful innocence of their own spirit of living and learning, and, ultimately, the purity of their hearts and souls. Such are the gifts of the spirit and from the heart, which all of us embody and bestow when we give each other the joy of our true presence.

Works Cited

“The Gospel According to Matthew.” In The Revised Standard Version of The Bible. The Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A., 1946, 1952, 1971.

Greenberg, Daniel. Free At Last: The Sudbury Valley School. Framingham, MA: The Sudbury Valley School Press, 1987, 1991.

Miller, Alice. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence. Trans. by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum.  New York: Farrar Straus Giroux, 1983, 1984, 1986.

The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self. Trans. by Ruth Ward. New York: Basic Books, 1981.

Nhat Hanh, Thich. Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life. Ed. by Arnold Kotler. New York: Bantam Books, 1991, 1992.

Oliner, Samuel P. and Pearl M. Oliner. The Altruistic Personality: Rescuers of Jews in Nazi Europe. New York: The Free Press, 1988, 1992.

Rosman, Steven M. The Twenty-Two Gates to the Garden. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson Inc., 1994.

Wordsworth, William. “My Heart Leaps Up.” In The Riverside Anthology of Literature. 2nd ed. Ed. by Douglas Hunt. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1991.  P. 528.

[1]What becomes clear in the course of one’s reading these stories is that the Prince and the Princess—two of the book’s main characters—are homeschooled. Though they never leave the palace grounds, they venture into flights of fancy through the stories offered to them by their mother and others; learn some crucial lessons about life and death; and, in general, acquire what many of us might consider an unusual but in many ways a well-rounded education.

[2] For a trenchant psychological analysis of perpetrator behavior, see Alice Miller’s For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence; the classic study of the altruistic behavior of rescuers, which involves comparative analyses of the thinking and behavior of rescuers, perpetrators, and bystanders, is Samuel P. and Pearl M. Oliner’s The Altruistic Personality: Rescuers of Jews in Nazi Europe.

[3] Etymologically, the word “compassion” derives from the Latin com, meaning “with,” and pati, meaning “to suffer.” To have compassion, then, is to be able “to suffer with,” that is, “to suffer with another. “For a wonderful commentary on the nature of compassion, see Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Meditation on Compassion,” in Peace Is Every Step, pp. 81-83.

[4] For more information on this problem, see Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self.

Copyright © 2010 by Modern Media. All rights reserved

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CONNECTING WITH TEENAGERS

By Willow McMahon

“Why is it so hard to stay connected with my teenage children? What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with my parenting?”

These thoughts I often hear, hear of and read about, coming from distressed parents yearning for a better relationship with their adolescent children. Why are so many families challenged by “those teen years”? Why have they come to expect that once their beloved children reach teenage-hood they will become strangers, enemies and problems? Why is this so often the case? What can parents do in this situation?

The common reaction to a bad relationship with a teen is “Send them away! Ship them off to boarding school, sign them up for more activities. Send them to another caretaker. Avoid them!” As enticing as these options may seem, I believe this common reaction is the exact opposite of what troubled children are needing, what they are subtly asking for.

I am an 18-year-old homeschooler and enjoy a connected, loving relationship with my parents and family. I’ve experienced the weakening of our bonds at times, under strenuous circumstances, and have come to fully appreciate the connection we share. I believe I understand reasons why so many of my peers engage in distant, dissatisfactory relationships with their parents.

I’m sure that various circumstances and reasons affect all relationships, but I’ve come to single out one main reason that usually contributes to those strained parent-teen relationships: Not enough time is spent together! With parents’ busy work/social schedules, combined with a teen’s schedule, including school, activities, events and social life, little time is left to share bonding and connecting experiences. And all too often, even the minimal left-over time is spent apart, each person involved with their own separate lives.

When people have not been together all day long, they cannot possibly know what each other have experienced and how they are really doing. Parents cannot stay connected with teens when they are so excluded from their lives. A parent may find herself thinking “How did she get like this?” “Where did they learn that?” “Who is this person?!” Parents and teens alike may become irritated and upset from their day’s stresses. Upon meeting, they often will vent upon one another, blaming them for their pain instead of expressing feelings in a safe and supported environment. Because of this vicious cycle of clashing, parents and teens will resist spending time together, and in this way, parents and teens come to a point of not knowing each other.

Another contributing factor to a strained relationship is the role society and media plays. Media portrays teenagers as rebellious and estranged — negative attitudes that become “problems” that parents have to “deal with”. But why does our culture offer us this description? In creating the term “teenager” corporations were able to market to a new group of people — not children, nor adults. The teenage image is strongly portrayed through media and society. In order to refrain from transforming into this image, parents and teens must be vigilant to avoid this message and break from what is expected. It is beneficial for parents to help guide their teens, while experiencing society’s influence and the exposure to media. If parents and teens are aware of the insidious motives of corporations, they can see through them and stay connected without becoming lost or seduced by society’s image.

“But teenagers are so rebellious!” is often heard. Why are teens so apt to be rebellious? What stimulates their rebellion, seemingly aimed towards parents, teachers and authority? The answer is simple: Teenagers are young adults craving to experiment with freedom. Through the adolescent years they learn about self-discipline and choices. Teens crave to be allowed to make decisions and prove to themselves that they are responsible and deserving of freedom.

Unfortunately, instead of supporting and allowing teens’ choices and freedom, their freedom is continually squashed and their choices denied. In turn, they rebel against authority figures: Parents, teachers, the school system and society.

Most people in our society are denied freedom of choice throughout childhood. This leads to rebellion later, when teens become aware that they are able to do so. Usually, the more people are repressed as children, the greater their rebellion in future years.

Choices that are often denied teens can include how they want to spend their time, what/how to learn, setting a curfew, controlling appearance and rules for dating. Parents may fear that their teens will mess up, fail and make mistakes if offered the power of making decisions.

Yes, teens will make mistakes. However, they need a certain amount of freedom to learn and grow; they need to see the outcome and sometimes consequences of their decisions. To avoid rebellion, parents must acknowledge their teens as young adults learning about life and the power that comes with it. Parents must offer teens choices and freedom, equipped with healthy boundaries and agreements. Demonstrate that responsibility = freedom. The more responsibility a teen is willing to take, the more freedom she shall receive.

The most important step to take to forego rebellion is to share a close connection and relationship of understanding.

I believe that a big issue for teens/parents is a teen’s resistance to attend school. Parents believing that their children must complete and graduate from public school become frustrated in forcing the adolescent to comply. A teen may think “I don’t care if I don’t graduate! I just want to get a job and a real life!” While most parents would be shocked and horrified at the idea, if a teen wants to quit school and start living “a life“, by all means, I say “let her!”

Parents can let their young adult experience grown-up life if she so chooses. However, parents must not confuse this with letting their teen quit school to sit around the house watching T.V. all day. Parents can make a plan and stick to it. Parents may ask themselves: Is my young adult prepared to start contributing and helping? Is she getting a job or pursuing a money-making opportunity? Is she showing responsibility? If she is not prepared to take responsibility, parents can discuss alternatives to school, such as

homeschooling, apprenticeship or internships. Parent can resist forcing their children to learn. They need not be afraid that their teen is “failing” in life. Instead they can discover what the teen is needing, right now. They may be surprised to find that it is not school. A teen may choose to work on her emotional position, or physical being. She may desire to pursue an interest or discover a passion. When she is learning what she wants, she will accept and welcome it fully, without resistance. And what a joy that is for teens and parents both!

So what can parents do to work towards reconnecting? Take their teen out of school, cancel all appointments and plans, and stick together until they’re utterly sick of one another’s presence? While sometimes such drastic measures would be beneficial, more often a practical, gradual approach is acceptable.

I personally believe that in the best interests of a family, children should refrain from attending public school. After experiencing public school, I’ve embraced the philosophies and ways of homeschooling wholeheartedly. I favor homeschooling over public school for numerous reasons, including a superior education and healthy social life, but the main reason is that families are able to spend a lot more time together. They are able to spend time getting to know each other, working together, understanding each other and loving each other.

While they are homeschooling, parents and teens can learn about each other by sharing themselves. They can get to know each other and empathize with each other’s challenges, help rejoice each other’s victorys. Simply being together and sharing the journey of homeschooling can vastly improve a relationship.

But how can parents approach a connection with their teens if they seemingly don’t share the desire? In truth, I believe that all troubled youth are really craving a connection, attention and a bonded relationship. If parents and teens are able to work together to heal their tarnished relationship, treat each other respectfully, and prioritize spending time together, both parties will enjoy and benefit from a strengthened bond and connection.

Repairing a damaged relationship can be challenging and overwhelming. However, parents can recall the pure Love their teen brought as a newborn baby, thus remembering who she really is, and their love for her. This can ease the confusion, and fuel the desire and action to reconnect.

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Willow McMahon is an 18-year-old homeschooler living with her family on the big island of Hawaii. She enjoys cooking natural foods, morning yoga, spending time with her family and writing freelance articles.

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Music & Your Homeschooling

By Michael and Mary Leppert

Including music in your life has two purposes: To gain a richer family environment and to gain musical skills. The latter goal is not necessarily to be a virtuoso, but to enjoy music as more than a listener. Anyone who plays an instrument, at any level, realizes the subsequent insight and pleasure to be gained when attending concerts and listening to recordings. There is no parallel for knowing music from the inside. But learning to play is not accidental; it is the result of will and action and is one of the best esteem builders possible.

With our own son, we didn’t allow him to listen to rock ’n’ roll past the age of about 4. Therefore, he developed a love of classical music from the beginning of his musical life.  One day he and I (Mary) were listening to a song in which the female singer said something like “If you leave me, I’ll just die.” Lennon asked me what she meant by that. “Was she really going to die?” In a moment of revelation, I realized the song lyrics had literal meaning to him, and that it was important for me to be much more attentive to what I listened to.

From then on I played only music that I was comfortable having him hear. Most of us Baby Boomer parents come from the “drugs, sex, and rock ’n’ roll” generation—not that we necessarily promoted that point of view, but those three elements so surrounded us in high school, college, and young adulthood that they were essentially pillars in the development of our modern “culture.” When we become parents, we must willfully draw a distinction between our listening to music for emotional pleasure and choosing music as a cultural element and influence on our children, ourselves, and our families.

Music in the Nineteenth-Century American Home

In America in the 1890s, nearly every home that had a piano also had at least one family member who was adept enough at sight-reading music to entertain and serve as accompanist for family singing. After-dinner entertainment often consisted of family members (and possibly neighbors) gathering in the parlor around the piano to sing and listen to music. If family members were able to play other instruments, such as flute, clarinet, or violin, so much the better; the family then enjoyed an expanded musical environment.

The repertoire of such after-dinner music ran the gamut from the popular tunes of the day to classic selections by great composers. Even when such pieces were executed in scaled-down versions, everyone in the family was exposed to “great” music as a fun activity, rather than as a “subject.” Thus, such families nurtured a cultural awareness and appreciation upon which each individual member developed his or her musical and aesthetic personality.

Besides music at home, there was also music at church. Some of the greatest music written by Bach, Mozart, Mendelssohn, Vivaldi, Beethoven, and other great composers was for use in the church. Regular churchgoers were exposed to much of this great music each Sunday and on important religious holidays.

The Television Age

How did Americans “lose” music in everyday family life? One explanation relates to the advent of television. By the late 1940s, the T.V. set began to push the piano out of family life. Whereas the idea once flourished that learning basic piano was an essential part of a young person’s education, such thinking faded concurrently with the crescendo of television in each home. By the mid-1960s, even if a family possessed one, the piano was frequently a mere piece of furniture, which no one in the house could play.

Television is a powerful medium of passive entertainment, requiring no active involvement from its users. Each of us descends into a sort of sleep-walk stupor in front of the T.V. Radio, on the other hand, requires the listener to at least fill in the missing visual information to participate in the entertainment. Similarly, the family gathering around the piano to sing together, or to play games, read aloud, or perform other active types of entertainment, required participation from each member present.

Even if you were not the one playing music, you still had to pay attention, more or less, over the course of many evenings. You had a place and role—be it as a soprano or tenor, violin or flute player—and a responsibility to fulfill. Each family member was required to lend his or her consciousness to the activity for it to be complete. Once the idea of a family providing its own active entertainment was replaced with the passive, compartmentalized entertainment of watching television or using the computer, the death knell sounded for much of the music-learning value in most families. When shared music stopped being an integral, almost daily part of family life, it was only a matter of time before many public schools considered it non-essential as well.

In addition, many people do not attend church; and even if they do, the advent of more folk-oriented worship music has pushed much of the music by great European composers into the organ bench or music closet, seldom to be heard.

The Case for Including Music in Your Homeschool Life

Recent studies have shown that children who are exposed to music at an early age—by listening or by playing an instrument—tend to perform better in math and reading in later years. They also have an easier time with certain other brain functions. A study was done in 1975 on the connection between music and reading. Hurwitz, et al., gave music training to children, using folk songs and emphasizing melody and rhythm. The instruction was intense, 40 minutes per day, five days per week, for seven months. The students were tested on their reading ability at the beginning and end of the school year. The music group scored significantly higher (in the 88th percentile) than the non-music group (in the 72nd percentile). Incidentally, the training given to the music students was developed by composer Zoltan Kodaly.

By now, the “Mozart effect” has also been well-publicized: Dr. Frances Rauscher and her colleagues at the University of California, Irvine, conducted a study with college students listening to the first ten minutes of a piece by Mozart, the Sonata for Two Pianos in D Major (K. 448) before taking an exam. Another group took the exam without music. Their results were compared and it was observed that the music-listening group demonstrated an enhanced ability in spatial-temporal reasoning. This enrichment faded soon after taking the test. However, another study done with preschool children produced a similar effect that lasted for days. One of the conclusions that has been drawn from this is that listening to certain types of music, and music instruction in general, aids brain development in younger children and enhances one type of reasoning in adults. For more information, search the Internet for “Mozart Effect.” One conclusion drawn from this study is that certain types of music aid concentration. Increasing scientific evidence shows that learning and using music in various functions in life aids us in other endeavors. Even without such evidence, most of us realize that teaching and exposing our children to good music is beneficial and, in general, “good for them.”

Music Fosters Self-Discipline

When our son was 6, we enrolled him in the Yamaha Music School classes. In these one-hour classes, held each week for six to ten children, an instructor used the keyboard to teach very basic musical theory (such as pitch comprehension and note time value).

Early on we witnessed one of the greatest benefits of these classes: Self-discipline. Because our son wanted to do well, he had to practice what he had learned in the class throughout the week. He didn’t want to practice every day, but we required that he practice if he wanted to continue the class, plus he realized practice was essential for him to do well. He experienced progressing from being completely inept to developing mastery of each component skill and also learned that daily practice of little bits and consistently building upon those bits resulted in development of his skill.

Today he is skilled at playing piano, trumpet, drums, percussion and cello, as well as composition, arranging and conducting. He is a very well-rounded general musician who knows that no matter how difficult a piece is, by applying the same persistent technique he learned at age 6 in the Yamaha program, he will achieve mastery of the piece. Of course, he applies this knowledge to other fields of endeavor as well. This ability to master small bits of musical information and build upon them has also helped him develop a healthy sense of confidence and self-esteem.

Critical Thinking Relative to the Musical Art Around Us

The study of aesthetics is a form of critical thinking. Once a child has become aware of the concepts of “beauty” and “goodness” in one art form, the same conceptual awareness can be transferred to the other arts. “Goodness” or “beauty” have nothing to do with commercial success or “popularity.” People who think about aesthetics draw the distinction very clearly that what panders to popular taste might be tawdry and shallow, and that it is possible to create some “good” work of art that appeals to something higher within the person partaking of it. (Obviously, the underlying assumption is that people do have “something higher” to which to appeal!) Today, more than ever, that which is “good” in art is often confused with what is merely popular.

One guaranteed way to ensure that your 10, 11, or 12-year-old is discerning enough to choose not to listen to “hate” music is to surround your child with beautiful and “good” music when he or she is 3, 4, and 5 years old.

In today’s funds-exhausted school system, music is no longer available at many schools. The fact that most children experience music only in the “Pop” sense (unless they go to church) is a sad statement of the quality of life in modern times.

What Is Available Today?

Today’s homeschooling family has a vast environment of materials—great products and programs (you name it!)—from which to choose to learn about music in all its forms and to gain the multiple benefits that music study offers. Whether you wish that your child (and maybe you, too) simply appreciate music, learn music theory or history, play an instrument, participate in a band, or join or form a family band or choir, your choices are nearly endless. Below, we will discuss some ideas we have for enhancing your family’s learning experience with music. You will be able to find the descriptive entries of some of the products we mention in the Music section of Part 2.

• For learning church/religious music on piano or other keyboard, Davidson’s Music (www.davidsonsmusic.com) is one of the top programs available. This is also an excellent product for family singing of religious hymns and other simple tunes.

• Attend live musical performances. Become aware of the many musical organizations in your area that perform concerts and special programs of live music. Every junior college, university, and medium-sized community has some sort of chamber group or orchestra that provides excellent listening at a fair price. Seeing the instruments as they are played can be an awesome experience and helps make music more meaningful, plus these musicians love to have an interested audience to play to!

•  Make beautiful music a daily part of your life. Play it, listen to it, attend concerts, read about it, discuss it, and love it. Music has tremendous power to soothe, refresh, and restore—effects that apply to children as well as adults.

• Recognize your own set of aesthetics—that which you find pleasing and beautiful—and discuss them with your children. Inspire them to think about this, too. As you listen more analytically, and develop the ability to discern what is actually good, allow yourself to avoid that which you find not beautiful, not pleasing, or just downright offensive. Provide the model for your children to do the same. You may find, as we did, that the music of your youth (or today’s youth) is not appropriate for your children. Don’t hesitate to remove this music from your life. If you really like it, after a few short years (honest!) you can comfortably listen to it again.

If you want to make your homeschooling experience all it can be, we urge you to take some time to investigate the musical opportunities around you and then take advantage of the freedom you have to fill your family’s lives with beautiful music in all of its forms—recorded and live, music lessons, singing lessons, participation in a choir or barbershop quartet, as well as casual get-togethers with other families to make music at home as a means of socializing and just having fun without T.V. or the computer!      Remember, this homeschooling experience is yours to create. If some musical outlet that you are interested in doesn’t exist—start it! Homeschooling is at its most pleasurable when it is invented by you and it fulfills a need you and your family have. The values of music are vast and once you add it to your life, your family will never be the same! ¨ ML2

Copyright 2010 by Michael and Mary Leppert. All rights reserved.

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The Common Sense

The Common Sense – Pseudo Science & the Vaccine

Debate

by Michael Leppert

Today, we toss around the term “common sense” quite a bit, assured that we and a few friends are possessed of it; equally certain that most others are not. However, most of us do not know what this elusive quality is – but we know it when we see it – and usually it means something like one who agrees with our point of view. If pressed to give a definition, most of us would say something like: “A sense of propriety or sensible behavior common to most men.” In law, there is the concept of what a reasonable person would think or do, etc., given a certain situation or set of circumstances.

In fact, the common sense was originally (long, long ago) considered to be the sense that was common to the other five senses and tied them all together – integrated the information obtained and learned from one sense to the others. In other words, one who possessed common sense did not have to re-learn a lesson over and over. Once learned, his common sense relayed the “information” to his entire consciousness and voila! The entire being became wiser. This might explain why some people learn from their mistakes – possessors of common sense — while others, lacking common sense, continue to repeat their errors over and over throughout life.

The significance of common sense – its possession or lack – can be seen in the case of vaccine “safety”. The “scientific” evidence that vaccines are safe or that there is no connection between the mercury level found in vaccines and autism offers a parallel to the “scientific” evidence that tobacco companies paraded in front of the public for nearly four decades of litigation and/or investigation. Through the 1940s, ‘50s and ‘60s, Big Tobacco swore that it had mounds of research showing that cigarette smoking was not connected to cancer. Then, when that angle no longer worked, throughout the 1970s and ‘80s, Big Tobacco swore that it did not intentionally alter the level of nicotine in order to affect the addictive strength of cigarettes, despite a large amount of non-scientific “evidence” to the contrary. Of course, finally – miraculously – the forces of righteousness somehow managed to cut through the Gordian Knot that is our present legal system, and cast a hot spotlight on Big T’s lies, false science and dark manipulations of information to show the truth to all: Of course, Big Tobacco knowingly altered the nicotine levels in cigarettes, thereby making its product more addictive at times.

In the mist-enshrouded beginnings of Big Tobacco’s policy of falsehood, pseudo scientists — who work purely for pay (as opposed to true scientists, who work for Truth) — were employed by Big Tobacco to perform “research” studies that would produce Big T’s desired findings and results – that cigs were harmless and non-addictive or bore no link to cancer or whatever blabber Big T wanted to disseminate.

Now, for the past 20-plus years, we have been seeing the same pseudo-scientific nonsense being employed by Big Pharmacy – the pharmaceutical companies that manufacture vaccines. Anyone who has read “DPT — A Shot In the Dark” already knows that Big Pharm has learned its lessons from Big Tobacco. [For instance, a recent “study” done in Belgium and publicized on the Internet, was funded by a European Big Pharmacy company. Just as in the days of Big Tobacco, the pharmaceutical company must have rounded up a bunch of pretend scientists – all possessing impressive credentials – and paid them a living to arrive at the conclusions the company sought: ”Vaccine theory is sound science; vaccines are not dangerous; vaccines contain high levels of mercury but that has no connection to the drastic increase of autism worldwide.” (This all in the face of other scientists in other fields who have found that high levels of mercury in fish makes it advisable for young children to avoid the amount of fish they consume. ??!!) All of these “findings” are scientifically false. Here is the Truth: (A) The vaccine theory has never been “proven”– presently, it is little more than a superstition – but a very profitable one, eh? (B) Vaccines are conclusively quite dangerous to many types of people – possibly to all people — once the very long-range damage is assessed. (C) The levels of mercury in vaccines is stupendously dangerous and many true scientists believe there is a direct link between this mercury poisoning and autism. However, since these scientists are the real thing, they will not say such a link is “proven” until it is. Their view is that it is prudent to avoid using such a deadly substance for no pressing reason – just as a sensible person would not take a deadly poison in the hopes of avoiding the common cold. Ah, there we have that word “sensible”. Our common sense tells those of us who possess it, to learn and remember the Big Tobacco lesson: Large corporations do lie, quite habitually, when their money is at stake. These large corporations will enlist the aid of false scientists – who are legion — to protect their money. There are lots of false scientists out there waiting to be enlisted for such pretend scientific work and therefore, do not be fooled by all of the “research finding” claptrap . . . if you want to know the truth of such findings, just ‘follow the money.’

If vaccines work, your unvaccinated child will not cause an epidemic of a disease – the rest of the population is safe, for having been vaccinated, right? Or, maybe the truth is that vaccines do not work. ML

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Foreign Language Learning Considerations

By Dr. Mary Hood

There are a number of factors to consider when contemplating studying a foreign language. I was raised in a German environment. My grandfather lived at a German old-age home, and my mother frequently spoke German around the house. I never really “studied” the language, except for a one-year stint in high school, when I had little motivation for learning any academic subjects. To this day, although I really am not capable of reading, speaking, or writing German, I can understand most of what people are saying when I’m confronted with German speakers, either in person or on the television. Clearly, early learning is very potent. The little bit of German I do know is very second-nature to me and doesn’t even feel like a foreign language. However, I believe that the fact it was a natural part of my environment, rather than a “learning experience” made the learning stick more than it would have if it had been part of a “unit study in German”.

When my own children were young, I introduced them to the sounds of many languages. The only time we ever looked a bit like a school was at the breakfast table. I figured I had them all there anyway, so we might as well do something! We read “The Story Bible” by Pearl Buck over and over for years and the kids did their own artwork to illustrate the stories from the Old and New Testaments. Afterwards, we always did one other “subject.” A good deal of the time, that subject was a foreign language. We studied French, Spanish, German, and a little bit of Russian. (Actually, I was the one who wanted to learn the Russian, and I backed off after it became obvious that I was the ONLY one who wanted to learn the Russian!)

One of the reasons I did this was to train their ears to hear the sounds of other languages. Obviously, to accomplish that, it was important that I was pretty good at pronunciation myself, or I would have had to use other resources. At that point, we certainly weren’t striving for fluency. I also tried to tie in information about other cultures, religions, and peoples. I believe that these early experiences laid the foundation for later work in foreign languages.

When learning a foreign language, self-motivation is extremely important. Right now, I’m trying to increase my own fluency in Spanish and learn Korean on an intermediate level. My motivation for learning Spanish is to communicate with the many Hispanics in our area, and to be able to help Hispanic mothers consider the possibility of homeschooling their children. I’m learning Korean because one of my own kids lives in Korea and two of my books, “The Relaxed Home School”, and “The Joyful Home Schooler” are being translated and published in Korea  sometime soon. Those are powerful motivators. Back when I was trying to learn Russian, the only real “reason” I had is that I thought it sounded cool. That wasn’t nearly enough motivation to persevere when things got tough, so I wound up giving up after awhile.

When trying to learn a foreign language, it also helps if you have people or situations in which to practice. In many areas of the United States, Spanish is best for this purpose, because you have your choice of watching Spanish television, listening to Spanish radio shows, or going out and finding real Hispanics with which to converse. It is usually tougher finding similar opportunities to practice other languages.

That being said, however, I believe in allowing children to study any foreign language which they would like to learn, since internal motivation is so important. However, don’t feel like YOU have to learn the language they want if you’d rather learn another one!  The challenge, of course, will be to find the people, experiences, etc., which will help them to learn, especially if you don’t want to put in the time to learn the same language yourself.

I have personally made the most headway through using audio programs in my car.  Getting into some kind of a habit where the study of a foreign language is a normal part of your daily routine is critical. I’ve set tons of goals in the past few years that never happened. My goals for foreign language study have been met because EVERY time I go out in the car, I turn on a tape. I also try hard to either watch a few minutes of Spanish television at night (I prefer the news or weather, because I recognize more words in those situations), and I spend a little bit of time reading in Spanish each day, especially the local Hispanic newspaper. Another thing I’ve done is to get several books in both Spanish and English, such as Joel Osteen’s “Your Best Life Today/Su Mejor Vida Ahora”, and read them one paragraph at a time, first in Spanish and then in English.

I believe that learning at least one foreign language makes a person more well-rounded.  The only better thing is to travel abroad. My trip to Africa was a life-changing event, and I hope to continue growing as I begin doing more speaking outside the U.S., now that my own children are grown.

Finally, as a “relaxed homeschooler”, I never really worked with my kids on English grammar when they were young, preferring to emphasize reading and writing in a natural manner. When they began studying foreign languages, often at the middle school level, it provided a perfect opportunity to learn some things about English grammar that they had never learned before. For example, when they started learning how to conjugate verbs, they realized that English has a “hole” in the language, because we have no second person plural pronoun. That’s why each area makes up its own…y’all, youse guys, yo’uns, etc. To me, that was a more interesting way to learn grammar, when comparing one language with another.

If you have one student who has no internal motivation to learn a language, and you are simply doing it to get it on a high school transcript, I recommend doing it the last two years of high school, because they may have to pass a placement test, and if they have zero motivation, they won’t remember it for long. However, if they are motivated at any age, the learning should be much better and longer lasting.

Hasta luego…and with apologies to any real Korean speakers, Anyoungeegesayo!

Please visit Mary’s website, www.archersforthelord.org, to learn about relaxed homeschooling. Copyright 2009 by The Link Homeschool Magazine. All rights reserved.

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Do Smart People Play Chess or Does Playing Chess Make People Smart

With all the technology out there, it is a bit ironic that Chess, arguably one of the oldest games in the world, is still leaps and bounds ahead of today’s electronic games in helping youth improve their cognitive skills and learn real lessons about life, according to Lyndia Graham, manager of Wholesale Chess.

“Chess not only teaches children critical analytical skills, but it teaches them about choices–that each action is followed by a natural—but very real–consequence and that each of those choices must be carefully considered” she said.  “Chess can help the IQ, memory, pattern recognition, analytical skills, overall comprehension, as well as develop patience.”

“It is an ideal game to use in a homeschool setting because the implications of choice and consequence can be casually discussed and reinforced in a positive, but fun setting,” she said. “Bad choices — or chess moves — have immediate consequences and will impact the rest of your game — or the rest of your life. There are rules of play that must be followed, or the end result is not what you want. It’s an age-old lesson as relevant today as when chess first began.”

Nobody really knows just how old the game of chess is. However, Mrs. Graham said, some experts claim that chess is more than 2,000 years old. Some evidence suggests that chess, in its earliest form, was played in India in the 6th century AD and from there spread around the world. Of course, over the years, the pieces and rules changed somewhat. In the 15th century, chess began to more closely resemble the game we now play, she added. But chess really started taking off in the 1800’s when tournaments, chess clocks, championships, and titles like Grandmaster were introduced.

Chess is now the most popular game in the world and growing especially fast among children, as schools and parents recognize the social and intellectual benefits associated with the game. There are hundreds of millions of players in thousands of clubs around the planet. Women and girls are learning chess in record numbers. Younger and younger players are achieving Grandmaster status and a few are not even teenagers yet, she said.

The overall skill level of chess players is also increasing because of the Internet and computers. Players are able to play a game at any time online and can use computers to help them train and learn. There are huge numbers of software programs, some that even pit a player against famous grandmaster games. There are also many hand-held computer games for chess that give those die-hard electronic users a chance to have chess on–the-go without the need of a partner.

If you see the benefits of chess and want to teach them to a child you don’t have to be afraid of not knowing what to do or how to play, Graham said. There are plenty of resources to help you.

“Remember that you are passing on a wonderful gift to them,” Mrs. Graham said. “Learn or renew your skills right along with them. Make sure you use care, patience and respect while teaching. Also, try to be interesting! Use humor, funny voices, cartwheels — whatever it takes to make your chess students pay attention and have a good time.”

Mrs. Graham suggests each child have their own chess set. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. Most students use a roll-up vinyl board, plastic pieces, either weighted or not, and an inexpensive bag for pieces to be carried in.

“Wholesale Chess has a very basic chess curriculum that we recommend to work with beginners,” she said. The suggested curriculum is as follows. Only move to the next step when you know your child has a real understanding of what you have already taught.

  1. How the pieces move and how to setup the board
  2. How to capture pieces (its ok to capture the King before you learn checkmate!)
  3. Check and checkmate
  4. More advanced rules of castling, en passant, and pawn promotion
  5. The values of the pieces and making good captures and trades
  6. Developing your pieces and controlling the center
  7. Using multiple pieces to attack and defend
  8. Basic tactics – forks and pins
  9. Basic strategies – controlling squares, diagonals, and files
  10. Basic opening principles – control key squares, activate your pieces, get your king to safety

To be a good chess parent or teacher you must be sure to get plenty of feedback from the student, Mrs. Graham said.  “Make sure you know how your children feel about chess. If they are feeling burned out, then pressuring them may just turn them off more. If they are hungry for chess and you are not feeding that, they may become frustrated.

“If you have a child who enjoys learning and playing chess, you should encourage that as much as is healthy,” she said.  “Chess has great social and intellectual benefits that can affect other aspects of life, but remember that chess is a part of life, not the purpose of life. I suggest chess parents watch or read Searching for Bobby Fischer with their child. “It is a great story. We also recommend the book, Survival Guide for Chess Parents.

“Another important thing, perhaps the most important, is to always make sure that your child knows how much you love them regardless of whether they are winning or losing their chess games,” she added. “Never show disappointment at their performance — they are most likely frustrated enough on their own!”

“Chess will certainly grow in the future,” she said. “Players will have to be more accurate in play, as computer training becomes more available. But most of us hope that the essence and fun of the game doesn’t change at all!”  Please visit Wholesale Chess’ website, www.wholesalechess.com ♦ Copyright, 2009 by The Link Homeschool Publications. All rights reserved.

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Teaching Basic Economics to Fifth Graders (10 to 11-year-olds)

By Arthur Foulkes

[Reprinted from the Mises Institute website, http://www.mises.org. Copyright, 2006 by Mises Institute. All rights reserved. Used by permission.]

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“But when are you going to get to the economics?”

It was the end of my first day volunteering to teach “basic economics” to a group of fifth graders. The teacher looked bemused as she asked the question. “That’s what I’m doing,” I whispered a little curtly in reply. Realizing her offense, she quickly explained her meaning: “You know, with all the graphs and big words and stuff.”

I realized this teacher was under the common misperception (perpetuated by most economics professors) that economics is about math, models, and strange lands where a complete lack of real competition is called “perfect competition” and it is possible to visualize (and measure) human happiness using “utility curves.”

But I had no intention of subjecting these students to economics of this sort. My goal was far more ambitious. I wanted to show them that economics stems from ordinary human behavior in the real world we face every day. So here is what we did.

My approach was painfully modest. I simply introduced the students to one economic concept per week.

Lesson 1: “Trade”

The first week’s “word for the day” was trade. To illustrate trade, I gave each student a very small, inexpensive gift I had purchased at a Dollar General nearby. I distributed the gifts randomly, then told the students they could trade their gifts (if they wanted to) with their immediate neighbors. Some did. Then I opened the class up to unrestricted trade and said they could trade with anyone in the whole classroom. Many more now traded. When they were finished I asked how many of them had traded because they believed by trading they would be better off. All said they had.

Once they settled down again, we talked about the concept of trade in general. I was impressed with how well they already understood this concept; they seemed to clearly understand that exchange involves giving up something you value less for something you value more and finding someone else with opposite valuations. For good measure, I ended the day by snatching away the gifts of two students and forcing a trade where none had been performed. One student was happy with the exchange, the other unhappy. This allowed us to discuss the idea of a “fair” trade — which I defined as a trade where both parties voluntarily take part. Again, I was impressed with how easily they seemed to grasp this idea as I replaced the items I had snatched away for my “forced” trade.[1]

Lesson 2: “Money”

The second week our economic concept was money — something all of the students had a keen awareness — if only a shadowy understanding — of. To illustrate the nature of money I wrote a short play and gave the students different roles. (There was no shortage of volunteers.)

The play was the story, familiar to students of Austrian School economics, of a long-ago egg farmer who had plenty of eggs but desired shoes. Unfortunately, the shoemaker in his town did not like eggs, but often wanted wheat. Fortunately, there was a wheat farmer nearby who wanted eggs and was willing to exchange wheat for eggs, which he did. This gave the egg farmer a supply of wheat that he did not wish to consume but rather to employ as a “medium of exchange” to allow him to obtain shoes. In other words, he used wheat as a form of money.

Of course the play was embellished with some (attempted) humor and silly characters, but the story was basically quite simple and the students seemed to understand its meaning well.

We then talked about what makes some goods better suited as money than others. For instance, wheat is better than eggs or fish because it lasts longer and is more easily divisible into units of equal quality. We then discussed things even better suited as money, such as gold or silver.

That was as far as we got, but by the end of the hour, I was at least satisfied that my students had a basic understanding of the nature and origin of “money” — something I was fairly certain none of them had heard before nor perhaps would hear again.[2]

Lesson 3: “Savings”

On the third week of my class the economic concept of the day was savings. In this day’s activity we divided the class into two “villages” — one made up of people who “live for the day” (believing with Keynes that, in the long run, we’re all dead) and the other village made up of savers. Every day the kids in both villages went fishing with their bare hands and caught two fish each. In the first village each person would eat both fish at a big party and feast. In the second village, each student just ate one fish and put the second in a small pond located in their village. Soon an intelligent villager came up with the idea for a net to help catch fish. The trouble was the net would take a lot of time and effort to make. Since several days were required, only the kids in the savers’ village had the resources available to abandon daily fishing to devote time to making a net. Once they had a net, fewer “savers” were required to catch fish, freeing up other villagers to make bows and arrows, huts, and so on. The “quality of life” in the savers’ village seemed to take off geometrically while life in the other village remained the same.

Interestingly, while at first many students had said they would prefer living in the “party” village, by the end of the class, most said they would prefer living in the savers village. We ended the class period talking about the role of savings in allowing people to do things aimed at improving their lives: pursuits that also require time, such as attending school or changing jobs.

Lesson 4: “Competition”

During the fourth week’s class the word for the day was competition and we played a game I call the “gas station game.” Several students play the role of commuters and, at first, one student plays the role of a filling station owner. In the first round of the game, the commuters travel from one side of the classroom to the other, but they require gasoline to make the full trip. I allow the gas station owner to buy a supply of gasoline and then sell it at whatever price he wishes. The commuters are free to car pool if they want, but must otherwise purchase some gasoline. During round one, the station owner sold her gasoline for $2 per gallon, giving her a healthy profit of $1 per gallon sold. In round two, I allowed a volunteer from the class to open a second gas station and charge whatever price he wanted. This was repeated a third time until three competing stations were jockeying for the commuters’ dollars and gasoline was selling for an average of $1 per gallon (one student was selling at a loss). When the game was over we talked about what happened to the price of gasoline when competition occurred and even discussed how things would have been different if the “rules of the game” had prevented new competitors from coming along.

Lesson 5: “Price”

At our final meeting, we talked a little about career choices. I had the kids take a career-interest test and then discuss jobs they might want to some day have. We then changed gears completely and discussed the economic concept of price.

To illustrate “prices” we held an auction. Again I brought small gifts to the class and gave the kids pretend money (in exchange for points they earned from the previous weeks’ activities). Some kids had a lot of money; others had less. Still, each item was auctioned off to the highest bidder. Items that had several bidders sold for higher prices than items with few bidders — establishing a role for “demand,” and when only one or two units of a particularly appealing item, such as chewing gum, remained, its price had a tendency to sky-rocket, showing that the physical quantity of a good matters in light of the human demand imposed on that quantity.

After this exhilarating exercise we discussed how what we had just learned about prices for goods might apply to salaries for the different careers they had discussed at the beginning of the hour. We found that the same rules that established prices for the goods in the auction would also establish salaries or wages for different careers.

Demand for a labor service — acting on the available supply of people who can perform that service — will set the “wage” for that service. Thus supply and demand, we found, could explain both the price of goods and the price of the human factors supplying those goods.

Conclusion

My goal with these fifth graders was not just to introduce them to the basics of economic science, but to inoculate them against future attempts to teach them bad economics. By showing them that trade, money, savings, competition, and prices all have distinctly human origins and purposes, I hoped to help them make better sense out of the “economics” they will some day be exposed to.

Indeed, the concepts we discussed can easily be shown to relate quite directly to other economic concepts; for instance, trade is related to opportunity cost as well as profit and loss; money facilitates trade as well as economic calculation, savings is tied to investment, capital, and production, while competition and prices are related to demand, supply, and relative scarcity.

The constant animating force behind all human action, and the creativity it unleashes, cannot be captured in predictive models or in mathematical formulas. It is precisely this fact that precludes employing the methods of the natural sciences to solve problems of human action.[3]

The fifth-grade teacher may have struggled with this understanding of economic science, but fortunately, her students had no trouble with it.

Notes

[1] According to some economists, we could have determined the appropriateness of this “trade” by subtracting the unhappy student’s loss of utility from the happy student’s increase in utility. If we reached a positive number, the forced trade should have been allowed to stand.

[2] Mainstream economics treats money as a “store of value” and a thing whose quantity can be manipulated by monetary authorities in order to maintain “appropriate” interest rates, full employment, consumer confidence, etc.

[3] Ludwig von Mises, Theory and History (Ludwig von Mises Institute: Auburn, Alabama 1985 [1957]) p. 306.

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Arthur E. Foulkes is a freelance writer and teacher in Indiana. Send him mail c/o Mises Institute, 518 West Magnolia Ave, Auburn, AL 36832-4528

Copyright, 2009 by The Link Homeschool Publications. All rights reserved.

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The Children Are Watching, [Modeling Parent Behavior]

by Dr. Richard J. Prystowsky

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” — Robert Fulghum

In The Altruistic Personality, a landmark study of rescuer behavior during the Holocaust, authors Samuel and Pearl Oliner demonstrate that parental modeling of caring behavior was a key differentiating factor between rescuers, on the one hand, and perpetrators and bystanders, on the other. I thought about this observation a number of years ago when I interviewed Irene Opdyke, a Christian rescuer from Poland who saved the lives of Jews during the Holocaust. During this interview, Irene related the story of her mother’s taking into their house and caring for a sick, so-called, Gypsy woman — that is, someone who, according to social custom, should have been avoided. But for Irene’s mother, the sick woman’s heritage was irrelevant; what mattered was that the woman was sick, that she needed help, and that Irene’s mother could help her.

Although I do not want to suggest an easy correlation between the behavior of Irene’s mother and Irene’s behavior during the Holocaust (nor do the Oliners suggest easy correlations in their study), it was clear to me that the caring attitude and behavior that Irene’s mother displayed towards those in need left a deep and lasting impression on Irene. At great risk to herself, Irene actively helped Jews who were in desperate need of assistance. For Irene, the matter was straightforward: she had to help save the lives of these Jews — not because these persons were Jews, but because they were fellow human beings who needed help, who requested her help, and for whom she could provide assistance.

Though most of us will likely never be in a position to help persons in such desperate straits, daily we have opportunities to practice lovingkindness towards others and, in the process, to model for our children the kind of caring behavior that we teach them to value. As Mother Teresa has remarked: “In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”

My own mother had learned this lesson from her mother, my grandmother Rachael Poliakoff, a Jew from Russia, who, as a teenager, had left her hostile, anti-semitic homeland to come to the United States so that she could have a more promising life. Shortly after her arrival here, she entered into an arranged marriage with a cousin, also an immigrant from Russia. Sadly, her husband died when my mother (my grandmother’s youngest child) was only two or three years old. A widowed, single mother, living in the deep South during the Depression, my grandmother — a strong, religious woman with more than her share of personal hardships — raised eight children, making ends meet by successfully operating a pawn shop with the help of her older sons.

My mother told the following story: One day, during the Depression, a barefoot man walked into my grandmother’s pawn shop. As he was looking around the store, my grandmother approached him and asked him what size shoe he took. “Oh, Ma’am, I didn’t come here to buy shoes,” the man responded. “I can’t afford to buy a pair of shoes.” My grandmother replied, calmly and without judgment, “I didn’t ask you if you could afford them. I asked you what size you took.” And then she gave him a pair of shoes.

That incident had a profound, lasting effect on my mother, who, throughout her professional life, worked to help persons in need — especially those who were most vulnerable. The only female in her medical school class, my mother became a child psychiatrist (because of strict quotas concerning Jewish admission to her medical school, my mother was one of only three Jews in her class; my father, whom she met in medical school, was one of the other Jews in the class). She was also the director of a child guidance clinic in a socio-economically challenged area and, for a while, taught Head Start teachers. Like my grandmother, my mother had more than her share of personal struggles (she used to tell me about her daily after-school fights with antisemitic children, for instance). Yet, despite her struggles—or perhaps because of them—she championed underdogs and did what she could to help them.

Having suffered a stroke and then having been hit with Parkinson’s Disease, my mother was forced to retire from practice in the 1990s. Tragically, she died in a house fire four years ago. At the gathering following her funeral (which was attended by hundreds of people), person after person told me how grateful they were to my mother for all that she had done to help them or their children. She had saved their lives, they told me, and given them hope. I was moved beyond measure.

But I wasn’t surprised, because my mother cared deeply about the persons whom she helped, and they knew it. In fact, she would treat patients in her private practice regardless of whether or not they could afford to pay her. On one occasion, I heard another physician challenge her on this point: “I understand that you treat patients in your office who can’t afford to pay you,” he said, and then asked, “Is that true?” “Yes, that’s true,” my mother replied. “Why do you do that?” her physician colleague asked her. “That’s your private practice,” he continued. “Why don’t you send these patients to the clinic?” Without hesitating, and without a trace of anger or judgment, my mother answered, simply, “Because they’ve come to me for help, and I can help them.”

In that simple, straightforward, genuine, unrehearsed reply, I heard my grandmother in my mother. Indeed, by treating pro bono persons who had come to her for help but who could not afford to pay her, my mother allowed these patients to retain their dignity. By not differentiating these patients from those who could afford to pay her, was my mother not, in her own way, giving pairs of shoes to barefoot persons?

When I think about my own passion for social justice and about my own commitment to help others, I can easily see my parents’ influence on me. As did my mother, my father, a retired pediatrician and still a practicing pediatric cardiologist (he introduced pediatric cardiology to the State of New Jersey in the early 1950s), my father also has worked tirelessly on behalf of children. When I asked him recently which of his professional accomplishments he felt were most significant, he thought for a moment and then replied, “My pro bono work.” Some of this work, indeed, has profoundly affected the lives of thousands of children, such as his efforts to help New Jersey provide catastrophic medical coverage for the state’s many children whose families otherwise might not be able to afford it. But more directly, my father makes kids feel special — one by one, routinely, as a matter of course. He cares deeply about kids, and they know it. When, during his days as a practicing pediatrician, he would visit children who couldn’t leave the hospital for Christmas, for example, my father, part doctor, part Santa, would bring these children cookies and do what he could to lift their spirits. In later years, the bags of cookies gave way to a giant gingerbread house filled with cookies. I remember seeing a photo of my dad at the hospital: he was sitting in front of a giant gingerbread house, his arm around a young, happy, Down’s syndrome child who was sitting on his knee.

As I suggested earlier, one needs to be careful not to infer too hastily or too conclusively that a correlative or causative relationship exists between parental influence and the actions and attitudes of the parents’ children. On the other hand, as the examples above indicate, one ought not to underestimate the deep significance of parental modeling on the actions and attitudes of parents’ children.

And so I ask you, my fellow parent homeschooler, to consider the many opportunities that you have, every day, to show your children how one can engage in small acts of lovingkindness undertaken with great love. As the Oliners found in their study of Holocaust rescuers, rescuers’ parents saw their relationship to those whom they helped not as one predicated upon common national, regional, political, religious, or other such ties, but, rather, as one predicated upon the fact that they were all part of a larger human family. Similarly, our obligation to care for others extends beyond the bounds of family, park day groups, homeschooling organizations, and other such narrowly defined marks of identity. We are all part of the human family. And, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., so eloquently writes in his famous “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

It follows, then, that others’ suffering is also our own suffering. As Zen Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches in Peace Is Every Step, “The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves ‘inside the skin’ of the other…. Shallow observation as an outsider is not enough to see their suffering. We must become one with the object of our observation. When we are in contact with another’s suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means, literally, ‘to suffer with.’”

If we are mindful, we will notice that life presents us with many opportunities to practice everyday acts of parental modeling of compassionate, caring behavior. I used to tell the students in my Holocaust Studies seminars that we could gauge how much we’ve truly learned in the course by analyzing the way in which we treat the cashier at the grocery store.

Similarly, we might ask: How do we respond when our child or when someone else’s child at park day is repeatedly struggling to get along with others? Or, to take another example, do we try to help our neighbor whose child is unhappy in school? In these and other such (possible) interactions, what kind of behavior do we model — or fail to model — for our children?

Rabbi Leo Baeck, one of the most important rabbis of the Twentieth Century, has written the following: “It is easy to revel enthusiastically in one’s love of man, but it is more difficult to do good to someone solely because he is a human being.” Difficult, yes, but not impossible. Perhaps we can lessen the difficulty of this task if we remember that homeschooling parents are primary teachers of their children and that, for good or ill, we parents teach our children most profoundly by the ways in which we act or fail to act (failure to act is itself a kind of action). Although we cannot know for sure in what ways our behavior towards others will influence our children, we can be fairly certain that our children watch and learn from us. How do we want to be seen in their eyes? That, perhaps, is fundamentally our most driving question. R.J.P.

Copyright, 2009 by The Link Homeschool Publications. All rights reserved.

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